Sunday, February 3, 2008

I'm A Tag Fag - 8 Random Thingies

Well it seems that my friend from Canadia, Shirley Heezgay, has "tagged" me. Basically it is a blogger's way of saying, "Bitch, you betta work!" Well here goes:

In the 8 Random Things meme, you are supposed to post things/facts/habits about yourself. Any one who knows Miss Tilly, knows she is never at a loss for words when speaking about herself. Or others for that matter.

Rules? Usually I'm breakin' 'em more than followin' 'em but there are only these:

At least 1 thing must be childhood-related.
At least 1 thing must be vehicle-related.
At least 1 thing must be sex-related.
At least 1 thing must be clothing-related.

The other 4 things are wildcards - completely up to my imagination. I just need to figure out who is gonna get tagged next. Let's see, "Duck, duck, duck, . . . " one goose will be Patty Hose. If you don't know her go see her right now - I love the fact that she makes it a point to edumacate LGBT people on their history. And Stephen Rader because he is so adorable and he just loves this shit - and does it so well!

Box #1: What Child Is This?

Child, Tilly was a handful growin' up as you might imagine. I grew up in upstate New York where poor white trash were called "woodchucks." My family wasn't far removed from these freaks but my mama had class. That meant she took her Marlboro out of her mouth before she told the state trooper, "Kiss My Ass."

I didn't fit the mold and measure up like the rest of my relashuns. I was different, I knew it and hell, I figured the whole world should know it to. And boy did I ever have a mouth on me! My mother'd likeda die when I opened my mouth in public and said crazy shit - like the time I asked a nun in the grocery store if she could fly. I rolled like that.

Box #2: Wildcard - Big Girls Don't Cry

I am a big gurl and proud of it. Gals like Varla Jean Merman (A GODDESS!) and the late Divine are my mentors and muses. I've always like the big Glamazon bitches and the ballsier the better! But there is big and then there is big. Like this:



Gurl just put down the fork!

Box #3: Get Into My Car!

I've always dreamed of having some big-ass, bitchin' "coozie mobile" as we called them. You know, the big El Dorado or Olds 88 that your half-crocked, elderly uncle couldn't park to save his life? But here's a little known secret about Miss Tills: she doesn't drive. She's driven. That's right - a long, long time ago I knew that I just was not cut out to be a driver. Face it, my mentor was my mother whose favorite phrase while driving was "Asshole!" Said with a very prominent nasal "a" of course.

Do I miss not driving? Not at all - life is so much simpler, no car insurance, no car payments, no sleazy rip-off car dealers trying to sell you some piece of shit. So, I cab it or bus it or take the L here in Chicago. Of course public transportion does mean mingling with The Great Unwashed. Now, there's some stories there!

Box #4: Wildcard - Cake and Sodomy

I just can't get that image of that big 'ole heiffer outta my mind! And speaking of heiffers, and a dead and hopefully rotting one at that, there's Pat Robertson and all the other Jeebus freaks that wanna get up in all of Miss Tilly's shit - and your shit too.



Last summer, I was at the airport in New York going home to Chicago and they broadcast the news that Pat would soon be sucking Satan's dick since he had just passed. Well, let's just say that Miss Tilly couldn't surpress her enthusiasm. Of course, the five Harvey Wallbangers at the airport T.G.I. Fridays sort of helped.

Sure I got my share of stares but again, Miss Tills speaks her mind and that's that. Wouldn't you know that I got on that plane and some Jeebus freak decided to give me an earful as she walked by me in my aisle seat. Luckily for Miss Tilly, some beautiful male steward (we used to call them Sky Sluts or Air Mattresses) overheard the commotion and came to Miss Tills' rescue. I was promptly seated in First Class with all its free cocktails. As Vera said, "Spirits! I simply adore spirits!"

Box #5: I Want Your Sex

Despite Miss Tilly's forwardness and outspokedness about "the act" she was a late bloomer - 23!!! But I've made up for lost time believe me. These days, when I'm not in my drag persona, I can be found in the backroom of the Chicago Eagle wearing my Halsted Street loafers (aka knee pads). I've had plenty of practice and have the reputation of being able to suck a basketball through a garden hose. See! All those rumors you've heard about me are true!

Box #6: Wildcard - Do Right Woman, Do Right Man

As you can see I've often got a soap box, but most of us bloggin' bitches do as well. And if I can just put this out here, besides my big old 44 Long tits: nothing is sexier than a woman or man who is responsible and does the right thing. This means using the sense God gave you and making a difference in this world. If you really believe in something and feel passionately about it - go out there and do it! Register people to vote, deliver hot meals to elderly and HIV, help staff a teen runaway or suicide hotline. Just get out there and do it - don't sit and bitch about it!

Box #7: I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt

Miss Tills is a clothes whore, but a clothes whore with a heart. Besides making my own ensembles, what I can't use or don't want I always donate to the Brown Elephant Store here in Chicago. Their sales go to support the great medical and mental health programs at Howard Brown.

Besides being a fan of Project Runway, anytime I get to bitch about fashion is a good time to me. Speaking of which, and bringing mental health into the picture, what the fuck is this?



I don't know what is worse, the poor child whose name must be Selma Babiesforcrack with her C-section scar, or the dress which was designed specifically to show off that shit. I don't even know where to start. If you want to see more fashion abortions, check out Ugly Dress.com.

Box #8: Wildcard - Video Killed The Radio Star

One skill in being a fierce, loud mouthed, snap queen, is knowin' your movies and your movie quotes. And I mean all the gay movies - the ones that if you don't see them you are in danger of losin' your Gay Card. Like one of my faves: The Boys In The Band.



"What I am Michael is a 32-year old, ugly, pock-marked Jew fairy . . " Lordy how many times have I said that in a movie quote snap battle!

4 comments:

Shirley Heezgay! said...

Those were hysterical!

I loved the Kiss my ass! LOL on that one.

Thanks for playin!

Mark in DE said...

I wish Netflix carried "Boys in the Band". I want to see it badly.

Great answers!

Mark :-)

Tilly Screams said...

Mark

The DVD for Boys in The Band is due to be released in May 2008. That is why I sold my Laserdisc and VHS versions on Ebay and made a killing!

NatureJockk said...

You are just killing me!!
I just love it.
How much cake can you handle in 30 minutes??
Paleezze!!
Maybe 1 out of 500,000 actually have the so called 'GLANDULAR' thing going on with them. But honey, when does the deception stop and they wake up to realize that people have it figured out: that you cannot create a POUND if you do not feed the furnace 10 pounds. If fat just sprang up out of thin air without weak willpower, the energy crisis woulod be over globally and we coud stop burnig corn and start eating it and have cheaper prices all the way around..

Paleezze! A glandular problem my ass Betty.